The Injustice....

Something happened today to me, something that was completely unjust, and I wanted to share where it took my thoughts. I want to share this because I know that all of us face injustice in some form or another and it can begin to eat us alive, the anger that can creep in can be so much more harmful than the injustice itself. For a moment, I saw myself heading down that road until I caught a glimpse of something in my house, something that I recently acquired while away for my anniversary, these precious little ordinary objects brought my eyes back to the One who my focus needs to be on, and it has helped me to begin to let go of the injustice.

This morning, Matt and I left early to go spend some time at the hospital with my Grandmother, who at 82 just had her appendix out!! After that I ran a quick errand on the way home and got home in time to feed the kids lunch. After lunch I needed to make up some large dishes of lasagna to feed some bands coming in to play at church tonight for our Sr Highers. I headed back out the door to drop them off at church and was very much looking forward to returning home and spending some quality time with my kiddos-the week has been busy and emotional and I just really needed to take a good long look at the kids and love on them, but on the way home, something happened. As I was sitting at a light, all of the sudden I got smacked from behind, talk about waking me up! And as I turned to see what happened, I see this young woman, on the phone , pull around me, blow past me and run the light to get away. And she did, there was nothing I could do, the light was red and there was not a single thing I could do but watch her drive off, scott free from any responsability or consequence! And trust me, I attempted to drive for awhile in the direction she went, hoping to get her plate number, I kept playing the event over and over trying to remember her license plate number, wishing I had taken a picture with my phone, on and on. Those thoughts played over and over to the beating of my wild heart:) I was not far from home, so I just went home to survey the damage. She had busted out my brake lights, and left a lovely reminder of the color of her car permenantely etched in mine. After spending time on the phone with my husband, police dept, and insurance company, I could take a breath and think. But I will have to go in and file a report in the morning, and I will be without a vehicle until we can figure out how to fix the brake lights, and one way or another we will have to physically pay for the damage she has done to our van. So, with all of that, what word do you think keeps running across my lips, my mind, my angry heart....INJUSTICE. This is just so unjust so unfair!! Why in the world should I have to pay for someone elses mistake, fault, sin-evilness----sigh. It could drive a person looney thinking on that too long and I can bet many of you have faced things like that or worse that have left you feeling just beaten down by the injustices you have been dealt in life.

But, I really hate when anger begins to raise the temp of my body so a good cry can do so much in releasing that but only temporarily, soon the frustration comes knocking on my mind again, and I allow thoughts to repeat like a broken record, even if there never is a good result. I began to think alright, Lord, what is it you need to teach me, what is it that will make this ache, this hurt, this anger fade. And with that running across my mind, I caught a glimpse of something precious to me. Something that already has become a reminder of grace and mercy in my life. it was this.

A pair of rusty, weathered, crude, iron spikes. They are meant to serve as a reminder of the most important event that has ever occured in our world's history. They are a reminder of the "INJUSTICE" that Jesus faced when He died carrying the sins of every person on this earth in order to save us from an eternity apart from Him. Can you even begin to imagine taking on the horrifying torment that He took on when He was nailed to the cross-and He knew no sin!!! He was in no way responsible-He was perfect, pure, righteous-something none of us can ever claim! And on top of that He did it willingly. Well...when I began to wrap my thoughts around that, when I choose to stop pondering on the poor me and start pondering on the gift I was handed freely by the God who created EVERYTHING and wants me as His daughter, wants to make me pure...well, the "injustice" I faced today seems pretty silly in comparison! And honestly it feels pretty good to just let it go(and I am going to attempt to keep all of that at the front of my brain when I pull out my checkbook to pay for the damages:)LOL)

And even beyond that, there is a verse that came to mind-which I believe is exactly why the Lord wants us to "hide His Word in our heart." It is from the Lord's Prayer-Matthew 6:12 And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. He expects us to do the same as He has done. So if He can forgive us-I think I should be willing to forgive as well-and I am working on that one:) Looking forward to the peace it will bring. And I will sleep more soundly tonight knowing that He wanted to teach me today of Himself and that I have been offered a priceless gift despite the "injustice" of what my sin cost Him.

Those nails or spikes in the photo, were found on Matt and I's Anniversary get away last week. We spent some time treasure hunting in antique and thrift stores on our way up to the cabin. I found these buried under some junk. A dollar a piece but to me worth gold. They appear to be old railroad spikes, but immediately when I came across them, I thought of Jesus-what cruelty to have your hands and feet nailed to a tree. When I showed them to the kids, knowing full well they would be a priceless object lesson, Joslyn said, oh, it makes my tummy hurt to think of that going through Jesus' hands and feet. I have laid these spikes out for us to see everyday as we pass through the living room. The kids cannot help but to pick them up and feel them, study them, and it always brings up questions of Jesus. I feel as though it is the best and closest thing next to feeling Jesus' actual wounds. I love those nails deeply, and I think they would be the first thing I would grab if our house were on fire, because I need that reminder every day, every hour, every minute!

God's Own Fool

It seemed I've imagined Him all of my life
As the wisest of all mankind
But if God's holy wisdom is foolish to men
He must have seemed out of his mind
For even His family said He was mad(Mark 3:21)
And the priests said the demon's to blame(Mark 3:22)
But God in the form of this angry young man
Could not have seemed perfectly sane

When we in our foolishness thought we were wise
He played the fool and He opened our eyes
When we in our weakness believed we were strong
He became helpless to show we were wrong
And so we follow God's own fool
For only the foolish can tell Believe the unbelievable
Come and be a fool as well

So come lose your life for a carpenter's son(Matthew 13:55)
For the madman who died for a dream(Jn 10:19)
And you have the faith His first followers had
And you'll feel the weight of the beam
So surrender the hunger to say you must know
Have the courage to say "I believe"
For the power of paradox opens your eyes
And blinds those who say they can see

-Michael Card

As a child, Michael Card was one of my Dad's favorite singers. Now as kids we tend to not always like our parents music tastes, especially in our teens years, but fortunately, I caught a love for Michael card at a very young age and understood why my Dad enjoyed him so much. I remember going to a concert of his with my Dad and getting the chance to listen to Michael card and my Dad speak briefly afterwards. I think I wore my dad's cassette tapes out listening to them. I am like any other person with music taste, I like an eclectic range of music, but no matter how old Michael Card's music is in relationship to the current styles or my age, it will remain timeless to me, and I think that is because it comes straight from scripture and speaks so strongly of the relationship we can have with the creator.

A year or two ago Matt ordered many of of his older Cds for me from when I was a child. What a gift to listen to all of those songs again. Even when Matt and I were just married we used to lay on the living room floor and just listen to the words., and I have missed that. So, it is good to have these fimiliar friends back for my ears. I thought I would share some of the songs that helped shape my faith.

What Is Up With the Story of Job!!!

Those were the words of our next door neighbor one day as my husband stood at the fence talking with him. I am going to be pretty honest in saying that I have definately thought the same thing sometimes! There is not ever a time when reading the book of Job, that I have not been astounded in one way or the other-whether it be weeping for sorrow and grief or angry for what Satan was allowed to do to this man! But the most overcoming emotion I have for this piece of scripture is awe for how Job continued to praise the Lord! He still got that we deserve nothing and God deserves everything from us. Would I be that faithful in the face of utter despair and loss, or would I turn my face from God and curse Him for my exsistence!

The Lord is at work and He has been putting pieces together in my mind. And I want to share some of what He has done and is doing that very much reminds me of Job. Last year Matt and I had a chance to go to the Desiring God conference that John Piper has been doing for awhile now. It is the second time we have gone and it has been an amazing blessing and encouragement to us. This year during one of the breaks we browsed around the book shop and found an amazing book by John Piper, telling Job's story through poetry and art. We snatched a copy up and took it to dinner with us that evening. As we sat in the resturaunt, I read it aloud to matt and could barely see the words through my tears. Two things came to my mind while we read this.....Ralph, our neighbor-and the story of my parents.

The first thing we did was to go buy a second copy for Ralph, who we are praying comes to know Jesus. We gave the book to Him for Christmas, hoping to help him understand God's purpose for telling us of Job.

The second thought, is one much deeper and personal to me that I am hoping to begin sharing. Although it will take some time, and I am not sure how to even pull it all together. Let's just say it will be a work in progress.

I was born into a family where my parents knew Jesus and loved Him very much. I was raised with the truth and took it as my own. I grew up knowing Jesus loved us, created us and ultimately saved us from our sin. I also grew up in a family that faced utter tragedy many times over! And that is the part that is amazing-I had a mom and dad that showed Jesus's love to me despite the incredible heart aches they faced. My parents could have easily choosen to turn from the Lord and convince themselves that He was removed from their lives and didn't hear them. But the Lord has used their faithfulness to draw me to Himself.

If any of you have heard Natalie Grant's song "Held" it is the perfect description of what my parents experienced when I was just 1 1/2 years old. One morning after my Dad had left for work, my Mom got up surprised that my new baby brother had not woken up to eat yet. Jason was a rolly polly chunk of 11 pounds at birth!!! When my mom checked on Jason, she found that he had died in his sleep. Since I was only 18 months old I do not have much of a memory of the experience, but my mom has shared over the past 10 years pieces of this day. From what she has shared, it was their neighbor, Rose, that called 911 from hearing the screams of my mom. The one memory I do have is the picture in my mind of the police officers coming in. I think that has stuck because my Mom said that Jesus took Jason to be with Him, and I wanted to know if the police officers were Jesus. Jason was 2 1/2 months old when he went to be with Jesus, and some day I will see him, but even more important is that my mom and dad will see Him! It is pretty difficult to understand why these things happen. It is difficult to think of my mom sitting in her nightgown alone in the back of a cold paddywagon on the way to the hospital, pleading with Jesus that Jason would just wake up,just be alright, or think of my Dad falling into my Grandpas arms and crying Daddy when they met in the hospital right after Jason's death. I do not think there could be a deeper agony or pain than the loss of a child. How do you begin to even breathe let alone get out of bed in the morning. I know that losing Jason changed my mom and dad forever, they will tell you that. My mom has said she is not the same person she was before that, and wonders sometimes what she would be like, had Jason not died. And even though they were hurt and didn;t understand the Lord's plan, they continued to follow Him and believed that he loves us.

That loss would not be their last though. After my sister Nicole was born,who was a sweet balm to my parents, Mom endured many miscarriages and one of the babies, who was a boy, died at five months along. Mom had to deliver Paul in the hospital among all the new moms and babies. They buried another son.

My baby sister, Molly, Is a miracle baby. I was in third grade, Nik and I were home from school for some holiday when my Mom recieved a call from her brother, who my Dad worked for. her screams were chilling and Nicole and I were wide eyed. My dad had been in an explosion at his work site. Dad was in construction and He and his partner Joel were working on a town home. There was a propain tank in the house that was leaking. They were told to carry it outside. As they walked back into the house, the entire place exploded. There are some amazing things I beleive the Lord was a part of. When the roof came down on them, each of them were under a skylight! It was also winter time which meant snow to cool the horrific burns my Dad sustianed until the ambulance arrived. My Dad's burns were over his face and head, hands and back. When my Mom arrived to the hospital and they told her were he was, she came back the the nurse and said there was a mistake, and that that man was not her husband. Dad's burns were so bad, she could not recognize him. May dad went through months of very painful recovery and skin graphs. I remember him coming to my softball games completely covered and with an umbrella on sunny days because he could not be in the sun at all. All the while, Mom was carrying Molly safe in her womb. Do you think God has plans for Molly!?

My parents have now been facing the struggle of unemployment off and on for 5 years. It is a very scary situation that they face everyday. They have to make decisions of what to let go of, will they be able to keep their house, will the bills get paid next month. So much being out of their hands. So many details being unknown to them. But they continue to worship, continue to trust and continue to talk to the Lord.

My parents have modeled so consistantley throughout my life their reverence for the Lord that it now seems quite foreign to me to ever want to go through anything without Him! They have been testiments of God's grace and healing, His love, forgiveness, and His faithfulness. Mom and Dad do not always know why and they may not ever in many things, but they know they can trust Him. Despite the hard, I have witnessed the miracles that have come with them. He has worked good for His plan. It has given me an excitement for the future and it has also taught me that the here and now is so very temporary compared to the eternity he saved us for to spend with Him!!! I am beginning to see that the story of Job is a reminder of who God is no matter what the circumstance is. He is the author of everything!

This is a quote from the book written by John Piper on the life of Job.

"Why do bad things happen to good people?"

"Afflicted with disease, stripped of his wealth, and asked to confess to evil provocations, righteous Job reaches through his cloud of suffering and strains to touch God.

We have heard Job's story. Yet as we ponder Job's misery, do we see the threads of God's mercy in it? We will all face suffereing at some point in our lives, it is inescapeable,. But what makes calamity endurable is not that God shares our shock, but that through every flame of pain and flood of fear, His soveriegn goodness sustians us and turns it all for our good."

What a friend we have in Jesus!!!!