To My Sweet Little One...

Sweet Little One growing inside me, I have dreamed of you forever but never knew I would have the chance to meet you someday. You are the seventh child I always wanted. You have 2 charming brothers and 3 beautiful sisters, and one sibling in the arms of Jesus we look forward to meeting some day together, all of us. There is so much I want to tell you and your brothers and sisters. See, I get really sick in order to bring you into this world. I have always dreamed of waiting for my babes with energy and health, but Jesus just made me different, and I trust Him for this even when it makes me really sad. Today has been a hard day, and I know that it is not going to change for quite awhile. I was feeling really scared about the days ahead, I was not wanting your brothers and sisters to struggle and feel alone because I am sick, and Jesus whispered an idea in my heart. You are so small right now, I cannot feel you kicking yet, the 34 weeks until you get here seem so far away, and sometimes it is hard to remember what the suffering is for, so I thought that if I write you and let you know how much you are loved, then maybe that hope will continue to help these days pass.

I heard your heartbeat yesterday for the first time, I was overwhelmed at the sound. No matter how many times I have had a child growing in me, it never becomes ordinary or common, it is truly amazing, and there is an instant and unexplainable love that comes from hearing your tiny little heart beating. God is forming you and knows all of your days already and He is protecting you from the storm waging outside my womb. I know He has a plan for you and I am the tool to bring you life, so I have no question of the worth in the pain. I do wish for deliverance from it often and do get discouraged and even wonder why the suffering is necessary, but I know He is in control and with me through it.

We are anxious to meet you, the days will not go fast enough. We are so grateful to the Lord for the gift of your life. Love Your Mama

Doing Some More Research...

Yesterday I got hit with nausea and it took me out for the count. I spent most of the remainder of the day on the couch. I was still able to eat some dinner, but it took everything in me to manage to keep it down. Being at this point already frightens me, it most likely means I am heading in the direction I was hoping not to. My daily chores and activities are becoming very difficult, very quickly. So, I got up this morning and did some research again to see if I could find anything new on HG. While I did discover an organization called HER that I may contact considering this will be my 6th experience going through this, I came across a blog post of a woman who has experienced HG through her pregnancies as well and has shared her experience. It was an encouragement to me just to know of others who have gone through it. I am thankful that my Dr is one of the Doctors who understand this condition enough to have me treated for it, I feel deeply for women who do not have a strong support system to get through this. I am praying today that the Lord will help me to let go of plans I had in these next couple of months, and give me a peace about it. I am still able to keep up with orders coming in from the shop, but I have not been able to spend much effort on restocking, so I am trying to trust Him for that right now. My energy is on schooling with the kiddos from here on out, and my guess is that that will be about all I can muster. I am going to try to keep in touch here on the blog and will look forward to the days ahead when I am back on my feet, full of inspiration and energy and a new little one in my arms. We are still praying for healing but are also trusting His plan for the days ahead, knowing He will see to all of our needs, and knowing He is refining us even through difficulty.

Mighty to Save....

The day ended well yesterday after a rough start. Matt and I even got out after dinner to do a little hunting for Christmas. I am in bed early and missing my late night energy, but none the less thankful for the energy to get through the day! So many of you have been on your knees for me, knowing well, how difficult my pregnancies are, and that has blessed us so deeply!! We appreciate each of you more than we could express!

1 Thes 5:16-18

Rejoice always;

pray without ceasing;

in everything give thanks;for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

A friend of mine sent an email yesterday to show me a beautiful design graphic she had created for her desk with our picture on it as a reminder to pray for us. The Lord truly blessed us with the gift of prayer, didn't He? He made Himself available to hear all of our requests for our loved ones, ourselves, strangers to us, our children, our parents, and it all matters deeply to Him! What better way to express our love for one another, than to bring them to the foot of Jesus!?

This morning when I woke, I was able to eat some breakfast and dash out for walk( love that the kiddos are so willing to get the little ones breakfast so I can do this), time to bring the day before the Lord, to thank Him, and to ask for his strength for the tasks ahead. "He is mighty to save" was one of the songs I was blessed with, and it fit so perfectly into what friends and family are praying for right now in our lives-For Mountains to Move! Nicole, you will especially appreciate this and I thought it so appropriate to share.

Our good friends, Jay and Nicole, hiked the Appalachian Trail this past year and blessed us with an almost daily account of how the Lord "Moved Mountains" for them and provided all that they needed, be it food, lodging, a friend, a doctor, safe passage through bad weather, new gear, or encouragement from home. So it is still very fresh on their hearts and minds as to how the Lord can do mighty things impossible to us!! I am grateful to have prayer warriors such as this traveling right alongside us on this journey.

Yesterday I distinctly felt like the cowardly lion form the Wizard of Oz-especially in the scene when they are about to meet the Wizard-the tunnel looked sooo long and sooo dark, soo unknown-and he gets quite scared and begins to turn around in an attempt to run away, deciding he really doesn't need courage all that bad, but his friends grab ahold of him and hold him up, and walk with him, being his courage and strength for that long walk down a dark tunnel. Thank you for being my friends, for being my courage and my strength and for bringing my family to the feet of Jesus.

MIGHTY TO SAVE

Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations.

Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus (x2)

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

My Saviour, you can move the mountains,
You are mighty to save,
You are mighty to save.
Forever, Author of Salvation,
You rose and conquered the grave,
Yes you conquered the grave

Christian lyrics - MIGHTY TO SAVE LYRICS - HILLSONG AUSTRALIA

May the Lord bless your day!!!

Preparing for the Season

Yesterday was a special day for our family, it was our day to put up the tree. Now, in thirty five years, I cannot remember a single Christmas that we did not cut down our tree from a tree farm. But the past few years Matt and I have been beginning to ponder the idea of going to an artificial tree because of the growing cost to have a live tree. This year we had both come to the same conclusion and were finally at peace with letting go of tradition. When we approached the subject with the kids, there were mixed reactions. It was split, but the tears that came from the ones who couldn't bare the idea of not hunting down our tree echoed the wrestling Matt and I had gone through in our own hearts. Matt and I huddled up again to try and figure out how to approach this change. We decided to take a drive and talk it out, we also headed to 2 different places to just see if there were real trees for an affordable price. We thought maybe compromise on all of our parts may be the best solution, so we checked our local Menards to see what their precut trees were like. To our pleasant surprise, they were extremely affordable, less than half the cost of a tree farm. So we headed home to scoop up the kiddos. No one seemed to even mind the compromise of them being precut. And the funnier thing was that we could even afford my favorite kind of pine tree-a frasier fur which we have never had before.

We went out to lunch together, which is a real treat for all of us to sit down in a restaurant. We had a good time laughing together, and were treated with free peppermint milkshakes by the manager there which was just such an extra special gift from the Lord.

After lunch we returned home to prepare our snack food for the evening of decorating. This year I was amazed at how much we have grown, almost all of the kiddos made food, making it go so quickly and so smoothly, allowing Matt and I to spend time participating with the kids instead of being buried in the kitchen. We watched our favorite movie-White Christmas-and I could sing and the girls danced while putting ornaments on the tree. It was a magical night which ended with Noah's favorite part-setting up the train under the tree. We have made the old train chug through another year to everyone's delight.

After everyone had gone off to bed, Matt and I were going to watch a show together, but I ended up sick half way through it. My appetite has begun to fade the last few days and I of course was sensing a change due to this. I went straight to bed discouraged, fearing the morning. I had a restless night and woke this morning feeling it. But I got up, did my best to pull it together, Matt set half a bagel aside for me knowing that if I went too long without eating, it would cause more trouble, but as I started a load of laundry, the dog got to it first. By then I was really not feeling like eating anything anyways, but just as Matt was walking out the door, I had to make a dash to the bathroom. The tears just flooded my face as the morning sickness has started. Everyone just kind of stopped and quietly waited for me to come out knowing exactly what was going on. I laid down on the couch to try and gain some composure, Cole very sweetly brought me another bagel for me to attempt. I grabbed my phone to put some worship music on and brought this grief welling in me to the Lord. After resting a bit, and finally eating that bagel, I got up and slowly started back to my morning routine working hard to keep my mind on the Lord instead of allowing my mind to drift into frustration and fear. He is my strength and will be even when I may not be able to rise in the morning to the tasks of the day. Being in this journey again brings refining to my stubborn heart, and a brokenness from not being capable of doing it all myself.

I am up and about now, a bit slower than normal, but very thankful for the ability to rebound from this mornings rough patch.

Day Two-I Must Count My Blessings...

The news is still fresh on our hearts and minds, sharing the news of a new little one being knit together by the Lord's hands, is underway. Today was a fun day at church! To share with our church family was special and knowing that we will be bathed in prayer is amazing. We know that they will share in the overwhelming joy of this new little one with us too. The kiddos(especially the girls) loved the excitement and congrats they were given today by teachers and friends, and I smile as I recall all of their stories of how friends thought it was so "cool" as they huddled around gabbing about "boy or girl?" and "how many kids will your mom have now?" It was a day to soak in goodness and the love our Lord shows us through our church family.

Our Sundays after church this season have been low key and restful. We took some time off from the kids being involved in the night activities at church this fall due to my need to adjust to the heart condition I was put on medicine for and for the fact that so many nights were already set aside for ministry each week and we felt we needed to just spend some time as a family that was not structured. And I am so thankful we have done that-not that we would want this time to last forever-we look forward to evenings at church again-but it has helped and in many ways to prepare us without us knowing, for this new adventure we are facing.

Blessing 1-We were able to take a good long walk together with lots of laughter and cool crisp air.

Blessing 2- Matt finished installing the light in our kitchen(with joy in his heart this time-long story). It works fabulous and now I can see when I cook-certainly worth the wait!!

Blessing 3- I was able to finish a few pairs of mittens while the girls worked on their own crafts next to me.

Blessing 4- I was able to make dinner and freeze a meal for when I am unable to cook in these next few months. The crisis cookbook is coming along as well. That feels like a great accomplishment!!

Blessing 5- Madi helped me by cleaning out and organizing some of the kitchen cabinets which will help all of them out if I cannot be out of bed to help.

Blessing 6-A meal with all of us around the dinner table and good conversations. There really is something magical about time around the table. And I really hope that through this pregnancy I can continue to be present at meals just for that part alone.

Blessing 7-the best of them all! Madi came and told Matt and I she wanted to be baptized this next Sunday, she asked Matt if he could baptize her-so we are thrilled. She has struggled through some tough things this past year and has grown closer to the Lord through it. So we are rejoicing for her step out in faith.

We are doing well at soaking in the moments while preparing for the road ahead.

I Must Count My Blessings....

As you may have read in one of my latest posts, we just found out this week that we are expecting our 6th child! A pure joy surprise!! As most of you may not know since I did not start blogging until after our 5th was born, is that my pregnancies are very difficult. I have Hyperemesis Gravidarum. There is still little known about this condition, but health care professions are starting to understand it better and at least begin to help treat it, unfortunately not cure it;(. In the simplest of terms, it is a never ceasing, very overwhelming version of morning sickness. That in itself is quite icky, but as you can imagine, after facing that for weeks to months without being able to hold down any food, the lack of nutrition and fluids become the real issue and can cause, if not treated, other complications.

I have had it with each pregnancy, and with each pregnancy, it gets worse. My pregnancy with Noah, the "morning sickness" lasted until 6 months. I had a surgery to place a PICC line to deliver 24 hour fluids and medication. Fortunately I was able to, with the medication, eat just enough to not need IV nutrition thankfully! I had a home nurse that checked in with me as often as needed to deal with the bandage changes from the PICC line, check on my vitals, deal with medication changes, check on Baby:) and teach me how to deal with changing fluids, meds, and I was even taught how to put a catheter in my leg each day when my PICC line had to be pulled for complications. I had 3 separate PICC lines placed during that pregnancy due to the risk for infection that they bring with them. Migraines unfortunately are a problem come about my 11th week, which I assume have something again to due with the hormone changes compounded with the lack of good nutrition. This always lands me at the Drs to get a shot to finally break the migraine.

I did not have good care with my first three, the diagnoses was not even whispered, I am sure because of insurance reasons. This ended up causing multiple hospitalizations due to dehydration. So, even though, it is difficult to go through all of the treatment, and it doesn't really relieve the most obvious miserable symptoms, it keeps us together as a family, the baby healthy, and hope for getting through the nine months.

Now, with that said, I know, many people wonder "why in the world would she go through that over and over" That is very simple-all I have to do is look at the miracles each of my children are, and there is no question of "is it worth it?"-IT IS!!

The other question might be, "why dwell on all that difficulty, especially when you are most likely about to relive it?" The answer to that is kind of why I am writing this post. Remembering those valleys in our lives in turn reminds us of how God was faithful to get us through it! I can also see fruits that came from those times, especially in my children. They learned at a young age the blessing of helping one another, as well as the gift of life-how precious it is-what it is worth! I am also going to hopefully face this time with a chance to hang on to the simple blessing each day has. Already, we have begun to prepare for the worst, but pray for best!! I want to share that journey with each of you!! This will probably change a lot about this blog. At some point, if I do in fact go through this illness again, the shop may have to take a back seat, creating all together probably will. We are usually in a very basic survival mode around here, because I am bed ridden for a portion of the pregnancy. What I am hoping is that I can, at that point, at least muster enough mental power to connect and share about God's faithfulness.

So with this in mind, I want to share a few praises...

As some of you know, I was diagnosed with a heart condition 3 months ago. The medication, unfortunately is not safe during pregnancy, but my Dr believes that my heart issue has resolved itself-WOW!!! We are in the waiting period of no medication to make sure-how cool is that!!! Only three months and I thought forever!!!

Matt and I went out last night to look for a few things that the kids needed, and I was feeling the countdown quite overwhelming and the need to take care of it before I physically can't. I needed winter boots for Madison and found a super good pair at the thrift shop for pennies-Thank you Jesus!! Along with a few other needed pieces of clothing for the other kiddos that Matt will not have to worry about.

I was able to cut Noah's hair today and feel confident he will not need to have it done at a barbers, it can be done at home making less errands for Matt who becomes Mr Mom.

I was able to start a special family cookbook for the kids, who already know how to cook quite well. But this specific book will have recipes that are easy, cost efficient, and ones they enjoy and will not have to spend time hunting down. I am hoping to make a few new recipes in the coming weeks to test before I can't be around food. I have a few funny titles I am working on for this family crisis cookbook-to be announced;)

Madison made breakfast this morning-homemade doughnuts-YUMMY!! And yep-the kitchen is a bit dark but that is changing-yeah!!

Matt and I ventured out to the Re Store today and were blessed to find the light we needed for our kitchen at a fraction of the cost we thought we would be spending. Instead of saving until after Christmas, and Matt having to wrestle with home repair while being Mr Mom, we were able to knock that big need off our list today(and bring a little light into the kitchen for making Thanksgiving dinner) I will share pics when it is installed

We picked up a mini vacuum for hard wood floors to help with upkeep since i will not be able to keep up daily with the beloved dog hair, glitter, crumbs-ya know!! I remember that being such a silly but seriously aggravating problem during my pregnancy with Noah-isn't that funny! But even Noah loves using this new little vacuum, so we are set;)

I was able to move our antique guest bed up into our living room yesterday to use as a daybed. It will be a blessing for me to be able to rest in bed while being out with the kiddos instead of isolated in my bedroom.

I finished 6 pairs of mittens for the shop( I won't overwhelm with pics of all of them) and enjoyed it as a gift to sit at the machine.

I am trying to enjoy the preparation instead of feeling the pressure. I am working to soak in the moments and give thanks. I am replacing thoughts of fear with thoughts of Hope from the Lord, and I am just a bit giddy about the miracle that I will feel a wee one in my belly again!