Evening the Odds...and a Few Glimpses of Life...

Well...we have known for about 7 weeks what this little wonder is going to be....

but because I was only 13 weeks along when they told us, I wanted to make sure before we shared...although it would have been a pretty funny story if they had been wrong. But we had another ultrasound confirming the first.

Here are a few pictures to lend a few clues...the lovely box was sent full of gifts for comfort by a precious friend when I was ill, and now it holds special little items intended to bring to the hospital....

It looks as though we are going to be evening the odds around here, giving us an equal 4 boys, 4 girls(that is including ma and pa-no, we are not having triplets!). This new littlest life is a wee boy, giving us three girls and three boys. Never in my wildest, did I expect those fun ratios especially when we had 3 girls following our oldest son!! It will be pretty fun to see Noah and this little man become buds. Weird to think that my last two kiddos at home will be young men! But we are of course very excited about this upcoming addition.

For the first time, we are really unsure of a name, we always had a name picked way before we knew the sex of the baby, but this time proves to be a first. Although, he is affectionately known as "fireblast" around here due to Noah being convinced that, that is in fact a name the baby would be proud of!! So fireblast it is until we have settled on the "real" name.

I had a check up yesterday in which the Dr said, well it only took 21 weeks for you to finally look pregnant. Isn't it funny, how it seems to all of the sudden creep up on you! And when it does, your reflection kind of takes you by surprise -"oh wow, I guess I do look pregnant" and your husband laughs at you because it is nothing new to him. So, here is the new look at just about 22 weeks. 18 more weeks at this rate seems a little scary, but, I am savoring this last time and keeping a good sense of humor.

I am doing much better now, almost as normal as I will get! Struggles with migraines, nausea, and stamina are starting to fade. I am getting out of the house more often for the kiddos birthdays, quick runs to the store with Matt's help, and even a movie!! Mornings are tough, so church has been difficult, especially after getting all of the kids ready for Matt to take. I usually end up sick and have to wave them off. But, even that will change soon enough. I am a bit anxious about this weekend, Madison has her Olympics and I do not have any idea how I will be able to sit on bleachers that long in a hot gym-but the idea of missing them bothers me even more. I am praying for an extra dose of the Lord's strength for it and no passing out(which unfortunately I have done more than I would like to admit)!

I have been able to work on the store quite a bit, sitting at the sewing machine is very good for me right now-my mind is completely working overtime, but my body is not as cooperative-so I compromise. I have also been able to finish some projects around the house needing my attention. Here is a peek at a few...

Joslyn has been wanting a Bible cover for some time, so I was able to make one for her birthday. I really loved how it turned out!! It was a fun project to design.

We have not had a rocking chairs for years now, so we have been looking for a new one, but the budget was not cooperating;). We stopped in at a new thrift shop after dinner with Matt's folks when they were visiting. We were blessed to find a beautiful glider and ottoman for only $20. It is in perfect condition and was even the color wood we had been looking for! I was able to recover it with fabric I already had waiting for the perfect use!!

I used the original covers for the pattern.

And it turned out wonderful!! I am so excited about it!

I have been thankful for projects like this one, that were designed and ready to be sewn. Since it is hard for me to be on my feet for very long. All this one needed was the quilting to be done-what a relaxing project!! And it feels really good to finish all my unfinished projects!!

I had 3 bunting sets ready to sew from years ago, and was finally able to get them accomplished as well! Vintage linens-nothing better!!

Lots of fun new napkin sets added to the shop. Made especially for school lunches.

And lots of unfinished hats have finally been finished and added to the store-maybe a bit late for this year, but good none the less, to have them ready for next winter!

We are almost through all of the birthdays until May and July. Cole turned 14, Joslyn turned 10, Bell turned 7, me 36, and Matt-37 this week. We also celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary and went away for a few days-time in a peaceful cabin in the middle of the snowy woods of Door County-HEAVEN on earth and the perfect pace for me right now! Busy months, but full of blessings!

Like our 3+7 on the cake-we aren't so great on having the right candles-but hey, we can improvise! Joslyn, the Lord's gift of laughter to our family.

Hard to believe Cole is already 14!!! But he is a true joy!

Bell turned 7-she loved getting her ears pierced and picking out her very own guinee pig to take care of!

Time at the cabin to just sit and read!!

And time to sew a few dolls for Bell's birthday...

Madison continues to bless me with sweet little notes and pictures of encouragement, a true gift she has of encouragement!!

Bell is always hard at work with her creativeness. She bought a paper dolls book with some birthday money and makes the most beautiful clothing for them!

On one of my first outing after being well enough to go out, I picked up 5 of these brown paper construction rolls at Menards. One for each of the kids. They act as a sort of art journal for each of them. They have always loved when I had big rolls of shipping paper they could roll out on the floor to make murals, so this seemed even more perfect, giving them their own to create with when inspiration struck. I look forward to the sotries they will tell over time!

Ohhhh! And I almost forgot!! I hit the 10,000 sales mark in my shop this weekend!! What a fabulous adventure this has been!! I am having a celebration sale right now. You can use this coupon code "CELEBRATION35" to receive 35 % off of your entire order!! Thank you to each of you who have made my work so blessed and who have continued to encourage and inspire me daily! May the Lord bless the work of your hands!!

I Am Ready to Peek Out My Window...

It has been so long since I have connected with all of you! I hope each of you are doing really well and that the Lord is real and near to each of you as you are going through your days.

I am doing much better! I am now 17 weeks, feeling this little one move, and much stronger and healthier! I have been able to enjoy my family, participate again in life, and begin to help out in the normal day's activities. Food is no longer my enemy;)- I still have rough days and wrestle with nausea and an absence of an appetite, but all is so much more manageable!! Gaining my strength back from 2 months in bed and a lack of good nutrition has taken a bit longer than I had hoped for, and honestly, my patience wore thin at certain times. I have begun to roam outside my four walls with the help of Matt. A Quiet dinner date, short trips to the store for birthdays, and even 2 times journeying into a thrift store with Matt as backup when it became to much. Driving... not really there yet, although I need to drop off one of the kiddos tonight, which makes me nervous-weird isn't it-"do I still know how"?! In some ways, this slowwwww pace has forced me to learn some new things about priorities and gratitude for the strength granted by the Lord. I am free of feeling the "HAVE TOS" when I wake up and more thankful for the "CAN DOS" that have been accomplished by day's end. There is time to really enjoy cuddling with the little kiddos and talking with the older ones. Funny how the focus is now on how much joy I find in just giving the little ones a bath, or being able to do a load of laundry-grading the kids homework feels awesome and cleaning my frig out is monumental considering I could not even enter the kitchen just four weeks ago. My folks still come every other week or so, not so much to completely dig us out anymore, but more to simply help me maintain some tasks that are still difficult for me. The last 2 weeks I would have considered going to church, but my little ones have been sick(which really was a first this winter!!-very unusual but appreciated), and I am not sure I could handle the length of Matt's mornings there yet. It has seemed like such a long time since I have seen the faces of my church family except for those blessed souls who have dropped off meals and groceries for us!!

I have been able to experience the joy that comes after a very difficult trial, knowing that the Lord has once again walked with us through it. As we have felt a peace about this being our last child( something I had not yet experienced until now) - I have also experienced something else that is difficult to explain correctly. It is a humbling yet thrilling thing, knowing that our decision to have another babe despite the gravity of my pregnancies, is something that we can bring honor to Him for!! I did not think I could ever do this again-but I also did not feel a peace about finalizing having children-now I am so grateful we listened to the Holy Spirit-if I had turned my ear for practicality, common sense, fear of suffering and illness or the like-I would have never known this little one intended for us !! Life is a miraculous gift and there is no doubt that children are His blessing to us!! I feel like I have run a very long and difficult race (one at times I was very ready to quit), but the victory-the day this last little baby of ours is born-will be ever so sweet!! How grateful I am for each of our children-who are worth more than anything I can humanly give. I cannot even imagine what it will be like to hold this little one at the end of a 15 year journey I have been on with my best friend!! A little more than a year ago, a strange feeling swept over me when we all sat down to the dinner table-one that made me almost count my children, feeling as though someone was missing-imagine that;) Guess it was in the works by my Heavenly Father before we even had plans. Pretty fun story Matt and I have been a part of! Thank you Jesus!

We were quite surprised a few weeks ago during an ultrasound, to find out the sex of the baby!! I didn't even plan on asking since I was still so early in the pregnancy. But the tech was quite confident and asked if we wanted to know! So.... I will be sharing that news with you very soon! I attempted to pick up a little something for the baby that day on our way home to help us announce to the kiddos that we were having a "girl or boy", but I made it to the first isle and had to give that idea up-it was just too early for me to be doing much of anything, so with Matt's help we made our way back out to the car-crazy!!

I am slowly getting back to working more on the shop-not just keeping up with shipping(which I was unfortunately very sluggish at for a time) I have added a few things here and there, done a tiny bit of sewing but been very flooded with ideas and the desire to create-That is a real sign of mental healing for me! Creativity eludes me completely during my darkest times of the illness and with that, my mind just seems to function in a haze. So this has been a blessing, helping to motivate the stretching needed to heal in every way. The desire to create has been one of my most precious gifts from the Lord, I have felt.

Instead of major overhauls and projects that I accomplish in a day-"the old me"-I have become satisfied and content to slowly work on things needing attention, even if it takes me weeks! I have been slowly cleaning and working towards making our room ready for this new little one, and this morning, I was finally able to bring in the best part!! Matt brought down our antique cradle up in the attic for me. I cannot believe how peaceful it makes my room feel. The kiddos just seem to congregate around it gabbing about how they can't wait until the baby arrives. One of the hardest parts about being sick for so long and in bed, is that those 4 walls seem to close in on you. I could not even make my bed let alone clean or work on preparing the room for the baby. So when I began to start feeling better, the last place I wanted to be was in my bedroom again!! But time has helped and this past week I set my mind to working on small areas a little at a time. We switched out some dressers to make room for the cradle, I cleaned and dusted as Matt moved furniture, and sure enough, it came together. Last night, I actually wanted to curl up in my bed as though it was a breath of fresh air.

Thank you all for your prayers and encouraging words-they have helped more than you know! Hopefully we can connect more often now! Blessings to each of you!!

It Is Never Boring...

Today I had to have labs drawn and my PICC line sight care done. When my nurse was here, I mentioned to her that I was feeling and hearing the flushing of my line, in my neck. She immediately did a check on my line and there was no blood return meaning the line had migrated outside the vein. With a quick call to my Dr, we were to have it immediately pulled. Fortunately my nurse was able to do it here at home. So after making Matt leave the room so he would not pass out, she removed the stitches and pulled the line. Fortunately there was no resistance, which would have meant another hospital visit. My Dr wants me to see how I feel tomorrow before having another PICC put in. If I am able to maintain fluid, food and my potassium level, I may actually be free of this so much earlier than expected!! But I have had PICC lines pulled too early and I tend to relapse pretty quickly. We are praying for continued healing as I am now cold turkey on fluids and meds. Early pregnancy for us is never boring, but I am so looking forward to boring!! Thank you to all of you who are praying so faithfully!!

A Long Month...

It has been so long since I have shared an update on my pregnancy. It has been an incredibly difficult month and I have been unable to manage even sitting up to type. But I am finally beginning to see the healing of the Lord in my body. And felt I should take a bit of energy to share.

In my last post, I mentioned eating a meal and keeping it down, that meal was the last until just a few days ago. I very quickly spiraled into a very difficult stage of the hyperemesis. Each time I attempted a small amount of food, it came right back up. I was vomiting up to 10 times a day even without food. After about a week and a half of small attempts at food, I gave up from the pain and intense nausea. I went into a 10 day period of absolutely no food or liquid. I was completely dependant on the PICC line to keep me hydrated. But I dropped weight very rapidly. I was weighing in once a week at the Drs office and was being watched closely. Eventually I began to miss my weigh in because I was way too sick to even get dressed and sit in the car.

Christmas Eve Matt had to take me to the ER due to what appeared to be an infection starting in my PICC line. Lots of tests and discussion about admission to the hospital, but after a round of IV antibiotics, my initial tests came back neg for infection, and we made it home in the middle of the night on Christmas. My folks had just spent the afternoon with us to celebrate Christmas, and as soon as they returned home, they turned back around to come and stay with the kids while we were in the hospital.

Christmas was hard, I was completely unable to participate with the kids and Matt. I took alot of tears to let go of that. Matt did a fabulous job at making it special for the kids-what an amazing gift he is. But I am so looking forward to next year!!

Matt went back to work after the New Year and I struggled with my inability to take care of the kids. My parents thankfully come out one day a week and help with everything. We have our church family providing meals daily and dear friends taking care of our groceries. The kids have been struggling but are doing their best to work together to pitch in around the house.

On Tuesday this past week when my folks were out, I was able to muster enough strength to get to my weigh in with Matt's help. The weigh in became proof of how bad things had gotten. I had dropped 22 lbs in a matter of 5 weeks. The nurse was concerned with how badly I was doing and called the Dr who ordered lab work. We went home and I began to keep down a bit of crackers and sprite, which was huge. Wednesday afternoon we got an unexpected emergency call from my Dr saying I needed to be admitted to the hospital immediately. My labs had shown a dangerously low level in my potassium. We later learned after getting settled in at the hospital that this was risky for my heart. Potassium is also a tricky thing to bring back up and has to be closely monitored because too much too fast could stop my heart. When My Dr came in she gave us to honest scoop, the severity of my hyperemisis is rarely seen and not many Drs have dealt with it. She was working hard to round up a team of Drs that could work together to try and get it under control. It appeared I was going to need TPN(an IV form of nutrition) but even the GI Dr at the hospital did not want to touch my case. We learned quickly how difficult TPN is to regulate in a pregnant women. So, they brought in the High Risk OB Dr to work with us, the hospital specialist, and my awesome Dr of course. So we took it a step at a time. I had my first round of potassium replacement overnight. In the morning labs showed I was still way too low-which meant a longer stay. But I was still vomit free and the Dr gave me the go ahead to try some food. I ordered a meal and did not eat much, but I kept it down!! So, at dinner time, I ordered another meal, again, didn't eat a whole lot, but! I kept it down!! The second round of potassium was infused that night and we were so hopeful I could go home, but labs the next day were still really low. But, by this point, my Drs were beginning to have the same hope as we did, that we would be able to bypass the TPN and that despite the struggle with my potassium, I was starting to turn the corner. By the time it was all said and done, I ended up being in the hospital for almost 4 full days. My potassium is at a safe level now, and as long as I do not start vomiting, I can be at home and have potassium supplements through my PICC line to maintain it. I ended up eating 7 meals in the hospital and held them all down. The difference in my stamina is incredible. When I came home yesterday, I was able to actually hug my kiddos for real and take a shower by myself. The adjustment is still difficult, I cannot do much at all and my nausea is still a struggle. The pressure of holding my food down was a bit overwhelming last night-I hate the idea of landing in the hospital again-but I did manage to get to sleep with a full belly.

My hospital stay was a combination of all kinds of emotions. My folks came right back out to stay with the kids for the week so Matt could split his time between work and hospital. He could have stayed the nights with me, but I told him to go home. My nights were pretty restless and I had nurses coming in at all hours of the night, so he would have not gotten any sleep. Two of the days, the kids came for short visits. The first visit, Noah was pretty funny. He crawled in bed with me and said "so where is the baby?" I was staying in the maternity wing of the hospital, so there were endless new little ones around. The second time they came, Noah crawled in bed right away, under the covers and kicked off his shoes. He was content to just cuddle up with me. I ate it up. Our family of 7 fills that little hospital room up pretty full. I think when the baby is born, we will have to take shifts for visits, otherwise it gets a bit busy. It was good to see the kids here and there, gave me something to look forward too during those long, lonely days. Our Pastor came to visit the night I was admitted, and it was so good to know we had a family of God praying for healing! It was pretty neat to see Him work through all of the details, I had plenty of time to talk with the Lord while I was there. I am only eleven weeks right now, but they were able to find the babies heartbeat with a normal heart monitor-that was wonderful to hear. Mom and Dad came to visit one of the days as well, which the company was much appreciated. Since I was there 4 days, I met a good amount of their nursing staff in the maternity wing, which will be nice when we come back to have the baby. It was a bit difficult hearing all of the babies come in and out, knowing I still had such a long road ahead, but it also gave me something to look forward to.

Friday night, my OB Dr peeked in to see how I was. I think her first response jokingly was, "I hear you pulled a whopper thing again" See, she has been my OB for the past 10 years, and in my pregnancy with Bell, I of course was super sick and had a PICC line that time as well. One of my visits, when she asked how I was feeling, I announced "I ATE A WHOPPER!!!" which signified I had taken a big turn in direction and it has been a running joke ever since. So, the fact that I had come in basically in the fetal position on Wednesday and was sitting up in bed eating a hamburger on Friday night, the joke was completely appropriate. And I could have burst into tears with how grateful I was for her at that moment!

I have a long way to go still, any activity tends to overwhelm me physically, so I am trying to take it slow. My mind is starting to recover from being in a very dark place for this past month. I still have overwhelming aversions to food, smells, even conversations about food. I am not able to process yet "what do you want to eat?" Attempting to think about food to eat, makes me very nauseated. But looking at a menu seems to help-I can quickly weed through and allow my body to direct what will sit with me. I will most likely eat the same few things for quite awhile, but know from experience, that will gradually fade. I will have the PICC line for quite some time still. I would not be able to stay hydrated enough without it. It also helps deliver meds that are necessary right now since taking anything orally is such a risk for relapse.

The Lord has provided patience and grace for those who cannot understand this. It is just too rare even for most Drs to have a good grasp on. I have to smile and chuckle when a Dr or nurse hands me an information packet on "morning sickness" I wish that is all it was!! As much as I hate going through this, I am grateful for the time in history I live in. Women died from this all throughout history and I can only imagine what a painful death it was-starvation and dehydration has very painful side effects. There is no cure or even comfort through much of it, but there is treatment to keep my body from starvation and dehydration. The Lord also designed such a magnificent protection for the baby. One thing that is true, is that, the fact that I am so sick, means the baby is developing amazingly, getting all it needs. I may be suffering, but baby is not without! Obviously, left untreated, if my body began to shut down, the baby could not survive either,but that is not the case here.

I am trying to be patient now, for complete healing. Looking forward to those first kicks, which is only weeks away since I typically feel that around 14 weeks. I am overwhelmed by the way the Lord has sustained my family with the help form others and family. Looking forward to returning the favor some day!! Attempting to give my anxiety and discomfort over to the Lord.

Thank you for your continued prayers!!

A Few Days Behind Us....

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak" Isaiah 40:29

Each day that passes feels like such an accomplishment right now. Life has been very stripped down for us. A little sad at Christmas time, but we keep remembering it is just for a season. We have seen the Lord's blessings begin to rain down which makes us feel like we can make it. Our wonderful church family has covered us with meals in the evenings. For Matt, that is huge! He loves to cook, but when he is working, being Mr Mom, and seeing to all the medical daily care for me, time for cooking seems to elude him-imagine that:)

Saturday was a good day for me, at least until the evening. I was able to go 48 hours with no vomiting, so Sat afternoon, I was actually able to eat a meal-oh wow, does food taste good when there is a lack of nausea. Matt grabbed me a sandwich from Panera-when I have the ability to eat, there is usually a very strong craving that goes along with it. But by the evening, those 48 hours of freedom was over. I had a very rough night and Sunday was horrible. It was another day of tears and unrelenting vomiting. I had been so hoping to be up and around when the kids got home from my parents. It was so good to see them and have them home again.

But today seems to be another mild day. I am far from 100%, but I am more than happy to be at 80%. Sat at the breakfast table with the family, took a shower(heaven), and have held down one of Matt's wonderful pancakes. Monday mornings are our big family breakfasts, since Matt is off. The kids are enjoying the day and happy to be home. Matt was able to go visit one of our kids from church who is having some pretty serious surgery this morning. And my nurse has already been here to redress my PICC line sight. The redressing is both painful and soothing all in one. Unfortunately the cleaning tends to burn, but it also soothes the skin irritation as well. We will hopefully only need one nurse visit a week now. Matt is able to handle all of the care except the redressing. I work with a pharmacy who delivers all of the meds and supplies. Noah was quite sure that when all the boxes arrived the first time, that there were puppies in them(wouldn't that be nice!) Not exactly the presents you expect under the tree;).

On Friday I was blessed to have two letters arrive snail mail style. They arrived just before I had to go into the hospital to see if the baby was still alive. Talk about God's timing!! Letters of such encouragement and hope, so thankyou my sweet friends for being sensitive to the Holy Spirit-they were a "God Thing"!!

Lora, my sweet friend from Eager Hands made the most beautiful necklace of Hope for me. The two leaves represent healing (Rev 22:2) as well as being a symbol of baby and me.The emerald represents healing and new life. She believes the pearl represents how the Lord sees me and the purity of my heart that He now sees in me. She hammered the pendant to represent 2 Cor 4:8-9 "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but do not despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." I was so blessed to wear this as I sat and waited at the hospital to see if our little babe was still with us. Thank you Lora, for a tangible and beautiful reminder of how precious it is to trust in the Lord during these trials! The Lord has given you such an amazing gift!!

My sweet sister Nicole, who lives too far away(Seattle) has blessed me with an early Christmas gift. She ordered the entire series of Dr Quinn, Medicine women on DVD. The minutes and hours can pass ever so slowly on my really hard days, and the TV can be a blessing and distraction, but I need to be so very careful of my choices of what to watch. For a spirit that is already discouraged, watching despair, violence, etc is not a good medicine! So these shows will offer hope. Nik has also taken on the job of buying Matt's stocking stuffers for me. I just need to get a list to her. She had helped me with this in my pregnancy with Noah as well. Such a huge gift since I cannot go out shopping. Thank you sis!! You are a lifesaver!!

My prayer today is that we can take the kiddos for a drive tonight to look at Christmas lights. A tradition I hope not to have to skip this year!! Praying that I will have strength for it. We have simple goals these days!

A Little Update...

Let's see, I believe I left off on Monday of this past week. As many of you know, I am expecting my 6th wee one. I am one of the 2% of women who struggle with hyperemesis or HG during pregnancy. I wanted to share this journey with others since we have experienced it multiple times and help to bring a little understanding to it.

So, Monday, I had the PICC line placed to allow for 24 hour IV infusion along with meds. When Tuesday rolled around, I met one of my nurses and she walked us through a refresher on the infusion pump, all the meds, etc. But I had been having such pain in my chest that was finally determined to be coming from all the acid I had been vomiting. So as soon as my nurse had me hooked up, Matt and I headed to the cancer care clinic in town for some new meds. The cancer clinic is one of the rare group of DRs and nurses that work with these pumps, nausea, etc. I have been there in other pregnancies as well. My doctor wanted to try something new, they were adding Pepcid to my infusion. It is supposed to help with reducing the production of acid and help to digest food quickly. I was also receiving a pain shot since I could not hold down anything for pain orally. The nurse there was so sweet and helpful. I have been since then, adding the Pepcid everyday to the IV solution and this is the first time I have actually seen a real difference. I have gone 36 hours without vomiting-a true miracle. The zofran I have always taken for nausea never seemed to help a whole lot. And Reglan, another anti nausea med, I have a bed reaction to. But right now, I have 3 IV doses of zofran and 2 doses of Pepcid. I am also receiving vitamins through the IV solution-this is a first for me on that as well. All of them working together, seem to be helping. I have eaten some very small meals and held it down. Huge victory.

On Wednesday, when my nurse came, she noticed that there was some swelling in my right calf, and upon looking more closely, she thought it may be a blood clot, so we were out the door again to the hospital. Thankfully my team of nurses and DRs were able to have me seen as an outpatient instead of having to wait hours in the ER. I had a dopler test done on my leg and it showed no blood clot, Praise the Lord!! But by this time, with all of the chaos, my mom was on her way to stay with the kids and help me. Wednesday nights are pretty full evening for us, so this came as an upset that left us scrambling a bit to figure out how to make everything work. Some friends from church graciously took over Matt's responsibilities in youth group, another couple of friends came to pick up our older kids for church, and another friend was going to take our little ones for the night if need be. The hospital had us in and out though in time for Matt to get to youth group and mom arrived 20 minutes after he left for church to help me with the little ones.

Thursday, was the first day I was home all day. Mom got all of the kids except Cole packed up and was taking them home with her. Giving them a break from the chaos, giving me a chance to rest, and giving Cole a bit of a break as well from managing things around here when Matt was at work. I was really sick on Thursday though. And before Matt left for youth group that night, I just wept while we sat at the edge of our bed. I felt like I could not do it any longer. I had no relief the idea of months more of this was more than I could handle at that moment. So, as I wept, Matt prayed for relief, for healing, and for comfort. I had such pain from not eating that I couldn't take it anymore and had some mashed potatoes made. I slowly ate them while I was in bed and then fell asleep. I woke hours later feeling a bit better, and as time went on, I was surprised to see that my meal was staying with me. That night, I slept really good, and woke up feeling much much better. A step in a good direction.

So Friday, I managed to hold down some more potatoes and did not have any vomiting. We had to cal my nurse though because my PICC line was leaking. She came over and was able to get it working right again. There are so many little things that can go wrong with the PICC. My arm gets achy from it and itches horribly from the dressing. I have the dressing changed once a week and I remember how good it felt to have the old dressing pulled. It makes life a bit more difficult, hard to take showers because it cannot get wet. So preparing for a shower is a lot of work. It makes sleeping a bit difficult too. Last night, somehow I would my line around my neck while sleeping. Many nights we are awoken to the pump alarm going off because somehow I have kinked the line. I have a little pack that I carry around the IV solution in, which is much more convenient than having a big ol' IV pole to trip over. The kids are good about being careful not to tug on the line. It is almost discreet enough to go out in public with and not draw too much attention, which I am thankful for, although I do not have much energy to go out anymore.

By yesterday afternoon, I had started to bleed. It was crushing to have to call Matt at work to tell him. Because I had been feeling better and then this, I was sure that I had lost the baby. My team of Drs and nurses sure jumped to get me in and find out what was going on. My exam showed positive results but we still needed to have an ultrasound to make sure. The hospital was so busy, so the Dr seeing me, took Matt and I up to another dept that was closed for the weekend and did my ultrasound there. Sure enough, there was that tiny little heart just beating as strong as it could-amazing!! She let us just watch the baby for awhile. What relief!! Matt and I had braced for the worst. And my biggest fear was that I was afraid I could not try again after how hard this pregnancy had already been. It is one thing to be surprised and know you need to see something through because the Lord has handed you this amazing gift. But it is another to willingly walk into it knowing, fresh in your mind, the hardships that await you! Thank you Jesus for choosing what we did not have the strength to!! We are so excited!!

Some wonderful friends had dropped dinner off for Matt and Cole-what a blessing!! And I was so excited to see a big pan of assorted homemade Christmas cookies!!! I have been so bummed that I could not bake this Christmas for the kids. This is the first of Christmas goodies around here! It was so good to see Matt finally sit down and eat when we got home from the hospital. Cole helped out by signing for my medical supply delivery while we were gone. He let our friends in too.

So it is Saturday morning, I am doing alright, Matt is working on all the shipping for my shop and then we will try to get a handle on the house. I am hoping he and Cole can get out and do something together later too. Cole and Matt need a break big time. The rest of the kiddos will be coming home tomorrow. We miss them.We will work for one more week on school and then break until after the New Year.

A little Update...

It has been a very rough week. I went from being an active mama and wife to being completely unable to care for myself in a matter of a week. My hyperemesis has hit with a vengeance. I spent Sunday night in the ER being rehydrated after days of unrelenting vomiting and an inability to hold anything down. After making it home after 1 am, we were back at the doctor at 9am to begin the process of home health care. I had to have an emergency ultrasound to make sure the baby was safe. We were blessed to hear that strong little heartbeat and I was overwhelmed by that sound. Next was the surgery to place my PICC line. We finally arrived back home for good after 5. It was amazing how the Lord granted strength to get through such a long day, but I had a great deal of pain throughout the evening from the surgery with no ability to manage pain since nothing stays down. So there were some pretty dark hours I felt like giving up in. The vomiting does not cease in the nighttime hours, so I struggle to get any sleep. But morning has come and with it, a small amount of relief, a little less pain and a few hours void of the constant wretching. Matt is home today to meet my new nurse and learn how to care for the PICC line and infusion I will be getting round the clock. It helps a great deal to have him hear. The kids of course have pitched in a great deal, but are struggling for sure. They struggle in different ways especially depending on their ages. This is the part I hate the most. Sometimes I wish I could hide all of it from them. I know it scares them, I see it, and even though they have been through it before, it is still hard. Life just gets a major upset. It was hard to even figure out when to get groceries in the middle of all of it. So 10pm last night, Matt finally got out for some. Madi has taken on a partnership with Matt in making the list as well as seeing to all of the laundry and much of the care of the little ones. They are a good team. Cole is my comic and tries to make me laugh, which I hate to admit, but it doesn't come easy. And he is also the one that holds down the fort every time Matt and I need to be gone. Joslyn is the easy going,"it's going to be ok" one, but also super sensitive to always making sure to come and give me a kiss,rub my back and just make sure I am not alone. Bell is in a unique age, able to not understand completely and be able to play with Noah like nothing has changed, but does have those moments when it hits pretty hard and she just really needs to crawl in bed with me and cuddle. She fell asleep in my arms last night after a good amount of tears. And Noah, he is just curious about it all and not too fazed by it. He is another good cuddler which I am grateful for. And Matt, well, he is just amazing. The amount he takes on is overwhelming but he does it with such grace and care.

There you have it, a little view into the life of an HG pregnancy. It may be a little too real and raw, so I apologize. The weeks ahead seem so very long, but I know there is an end with a super sweet blessing;) May the Lord bless all of you this Christmas season and be your strength for the difficult passages you may be going through!

Ain't This Just Grand...

So, humor is a gift, and it is one we put to great use around here starting about now in my pregnancy. I am attempting to accept, with grace, that this time is not going to be the exception we were hoping for. We make small adjustments, with laughter, to the fact that I am now, once again, the queen of puke(sorry if that offends you!) around here. The moments of humor are the moments that help us through the tears though-because make no mistake, this ain't grand at all;). I am beginning down the not being able to hold anything down, as a matter of fact it took me 4 tries this morning to keep just a few crackers down. Finally by noon, I could get out of bed today. And this is my wonderful menu plan now.

The altoids are not for nutrition;) they are to help my sinuses, because as you can imagine they take a good beating from losing all of my meals. The peppermint helps just a tad with nausea, but since I cannot keep any pain relievers down for head aches, this has to do.

We made a quick trip to the doctor this afternoon to have some things checked out and sure enough I have lost weight and my lab work is showing that I am already dehydrated. We will be picking up some meds for nausea and be back on Monday to see how I am doing. I cooked up a batch of beans today-plain old beans-and am trying to eat them-thanks to a friend, I read an article by a nutritionist, that claims beans will work against the nausea unlike the silly claims that B6, saltines, or anything else will somehow work miracles for women like me. We have tried it all, but we'll give this a shot too.

So, here we go, another trip down the hyperemesis train, I know it's not very glamorous, but it's real. And yes, it is worth it even when I have to say it in the middle of a puddle of my own tears!

Doing Some More Research...

Yesterday I got hit with nausea and it took me out for the count. I spent most of the remainder of the day on the couch. I was still able to eat some dinner, but it took everything in me to manage to keep it down. Being at this point already frightens me, it most likely means I am heading in the direction I was hoping not to. My daily chores and activities are becoming very difficult, very quickly. So, I got up this morning and did some research again to see if I could find anything new on HG. While I did discover an organization called HER that I may contact considering this will be my 6th experience going through this, I came across a blog post of a woman who has experienced HG through her pregnancies as well and has shared her experience. It was an encouragement to me just to know of others who have gone through it. I am thankful that my Dr is one of the Doctors who understand this condition enough to have me treated for it, I feel deeply for women who do not have a strong support system to get through this. I am praying today that the Lord will help me to let go of plans I had in these next couple of months, and give me a peace about it. I am still able to keep up with orders coming in from the shop, but I have not been able to spend much effort on restocking, so I am trying to trust Him for that right now. My energy is on schooling with the kiddos from here on out, and my guess is that that will be about all I can muster. I am going to try to keep in touch here on the blog and will look forward to the days ahead when I am back on my feet, full of inspiration and energy and a new little one in my arms. We are still praying for healing but are also trusting His plan for the days ahead, knowing He will see to all of our needs, and knowing He is refining us even through difficulty.